So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
