FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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