she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
