plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
