Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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