Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is my gift to your gina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
