he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
