It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
