Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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