omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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