I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
