Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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