We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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