do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so let's talk penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
