Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
