They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
