My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize