i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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