I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
