I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my poor anus
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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