You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
