Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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