oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
