I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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