WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
