idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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