PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
