so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
