True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize