i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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