I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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