you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
