If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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