I hate your face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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