I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
