What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
