My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Vodka?
Forever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
