Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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