Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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