I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
