i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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