What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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