so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
