its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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