i don't like sucking hair
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
