WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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