i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
