This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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