Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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