ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
