Soap is not a condiment
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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