Did you just see the Batmobile???
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My dick has a subreddit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize