Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
