wanna go halves on a baby?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
try to milk me bitch
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