sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
