I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
