dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
