i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
