The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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