ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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