My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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