I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
