he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
