Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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